I think technically this began in 2013.
But it feels so long ago. It was so long ago. So let's just say it's basically been 10 years since I started this LOL.
That means 10 years of my online identity Cherry Wallflower.
Although, I guess this online identity began in the late 2000s when I was on GaiaOnline and had "cherry wallflower" as my username xD
My YouTube channel that I was active on during high school was called "eurazngal." I came up with the name because being white and Filipino means I have European and Asian ancestry and I liked "gal" because it didn't sound as "cheesy" to me as "girl" (plus I loved observing Japanese gyaru/GAL fashion, even though I never took part in it.) When I made my CherryWallflower TV channel in college, I brought that name back simply because I couldn't think of anything else for myself LOL. When I started doing live idol performance covers, I chose to go by Cherry because I didn't want people to know my real name and... I could't think of anything else for myself LOL.
I've grown so much since then, so I wonder, have I grown into the "Cherry Wallflower" I had hoped I'd become with this name?
To start with, I don't regret choosing this stagename/username/channel name due to the way it sounds. I think it sounds cool. I thought it sounds "artistic" and I still think that holds true. It feels like a character name, but not too fantastical and a little bit myserious. If you disagree, leave a comment below HAHA.
As far as the meaning goes, I basically stole this name from two users on GaiaOnline. One person was called "harajuku wallflower" and she was a girl close to my age who, not only had a cool avatar (or "avi" for short,) but she also had cool fashion pictures of herself online. There was also another user called "cherry japanophile." I saw them ALL over the forums I went to and I can't even remember what their personality was like but I liked that their username started with cherry LOL. I mashed the two together, but never got to be internet friends with either of those people I took inspiration from, zomg.
If you love personality test mumbo jumbo, I'm an ENFJ. So, I'm an extravert right? Well, I'd say so... now. Growing up I was always so quiet that kids would say "I didn't know you could talk." *sigh* still pisses me off thinking about it today HAHA. Come on, really? Of COURSE I can talk. I just don't want to talk to YOU! I felt like with having the name "wallflower" and me not necessarily acting shy can inspire other wallflower type people to not be shy and also show people that just because someone is quiet around you doesn't mean they're always like that. I also stole my username during the time the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower" got to my 12 year old hands. I saw people online talk about that book so much. When my friend let me borrow her brother's copy, it felt life changing to read at the time as an edgy middle schooler, but now I frankly can't remember much from that book other than a scene involving a hOT DOG. ANYWAYS-
For "Cherry" I like that it sounds cute, but also, dare I say, even sexy?! It can be a little badass depending on the font chosen as well.
But what exactly do I call myself besides just "Cherry Wallflower?" Am I trying to be an influencer? I'm a YouTuber, yeah, but what genre of content do I fall under? What's my style?
Throughout the years that's changed so much. Initially, I wanted to be a troll channel. Example: Weeaboo make up tutorial. I wanted to make videos of myself acting weird in hopes that people would be so confused they couldn't tell I was joking. But for the ones who did understand the joke, they could feel like they got braging rights for being "in" on it. A master troll was my goal, but it didn't last too long. I wanted to also show my life: talking about what's on my mind and vlogging myself going to anime conventions. I liked watching people who made videos like they were reading their diary and I enjoyed seeing people show the places they went to.
So I did just that, I moved over from trying to be a master troll to being a vlogger. I was really hoping someone would find my personality interesting online and then give me an opportunity that could lead me to being an actress or entertainer of the sorts LOL. Or, I could amass a following that may be interested in future novels I put out or show up to support me for contests I might enter in the future.
My vlogging wasn't super consistent but I did try to at least showcase every anime convention I went to. I think my vlogging got better over time: recording longer footage, talking more comfortably to the camera, and being more ready when spontaneously entertaining stuff happened with friends. Going to anime conventions was really my identity for almost ten years. It felt like they had it all: music events, places to make friends, and alternative fashion enthusists. It had all of the things that I had wished I had growing up: a community of "weird" people. It especially felt nice to know others liked the same J-pop and K-pop music as me. Although those people were few and far between at the time in the early 2010s at cons in Florida, I at least felt like I had a space to finally try being a performer or even a bit of an "idol."
When I was in high school, I wanted to be an idol so bad, but it felt impossible. I didn't think I'd ever be skinny or pretty enough. Where could I audition? I guess online, but it always seemed like in-person auditions guaranteed more success. SM and JYP were NOT scouting for people in Florida either LOL. I gave up on that, sort of, but anime conventions helped rejuvenate me.
The problem is that as that aspect of creativity got more important to me, I realized I started to outgrow anime conventions. I was never much of a cosplayer. After a few years, you've kind of seen it all. I don't follow much new anime or play any video games. Sure, they're a fun time, but my satisfaction always came when I found other people who liked J-pop and K-pop, dancing, and eventually, singing.
So Cherry Wallflower went from just being an anime convention attendee vlogger to being somewhat of an idol behind the scenes action vlogger at conventions. I think that's when a bit of my viewership died lol. People subscribed for trolling, then they subbed for my japan vlogs, then they subbed for my local anime convention vlogs and now... this girl is trying to be a singer? Oh and NOW she lives in korea? where did that come from?!
I actually forgot about this blog for a bit. I was looking at someone else's blog and it reminded me that I have my own blog. I wish I had been more consistent with this. There are super detailed posts I never finished where I talk about some experiences I had performing at conventions. I treated those posts like a novel to the point where I paused and never finished them. I've been vlogging almost everything, yes, but being able to express myself through writing feels totally different. Seeing my posts from my college days to after college are... almost a stark difference, omg. But I like it like that, because just like my YouTube channel, my blog shows my evolution.
I can't quite pinpoint what the purpose of this blog post is since I have just been typing whatever comes to mind first LOL. But I guess overall, as the years have passed, I feel like I've honed in more on what Cherry Wallflower is supposed to be, but I'm still figuring it out. I can't categorize myself into one genre or one category as much as social media algothimns want me to. I may never be truly "successful" or as "famous" as a I wish I could be because I just can't fit myself into a box. I've never been able to fit into a box growing up as a kid, to my teen years, to even my adult years. I'm just me and I suppose the genre, the concept, and the label is nothing but just "Cherry Wallflower."
But it feels so long ago. It was so long ago. So let's just say it's basically been 10 years since I started this LOL.
That means 10 years of my online identity Cherry Wallflower.
Although, I guess this online identity began in the late 2000s when I was on GaiaOnline and had "cherry wallflower" as my username xD
My YouTube channel that I was active on during high school was called "eurazngal." I came up with the name because being white and Filipino means I have European and Asian ancestry and I liked "gal" because it didn't sound as "cheesy" to me as "girl" (plus I loved observing Japanese gyaru/GAL fashion, even though I never took part in it.) When I made my CherryWallflower TV channel in college, I brought that name back simply because I couldn't think of anything else for myself LOL. When I started doing live idol performance covers, I chose to go by Cherry because I didn't want people to know my real name and... I could't think of anything else for myself LOL.
I've grown so much since then, so I wonder, have I grown into the "Cherry Wallflower" I had hoped I'd become with this name?
To start with, I don't regret choosing this stagename/username/channel name due to the way it sounds. I think it sounds cool. I thought it sounds "artistic" and I still think that holds true. It feels like a character name, but not too fantastical and a little bit myserious. If you disagree, leave a comment below HAHA.
As far as the meaning goes, I basically stole this name from two users on GaiaOnline. One person was called "harajuku wallflower" and she was a girl close to my age who, not only had a cool avatar (or "avi" for short,) but she also had cool fashion pictures of herself online. There was also another user called "cherry japanophile." I saw them ALL over the forums I went to and I can't even remember what their personality was like but I liked that their username started with cherry LOL. I mashed the two together, but never got to be internet friends with either of those people I took inspiration from, zomg.
If you love personality test mumbo jumbo, I'm an ENFJ. So, I'm an extravert right? Well, I'd say so... now. Growing up I was always so quiet that kids would say "I didn't know you could talk." *sigh* still pisses me off thinking about it today HAHA. Come on, really? Of COURSE I can talk. I just don't want to talk to YOU! I felt like with having the name "wallflower" and me not necessarily acting shy can inspire other wallflower type people to not be shy and also show people that just because someone is quiet around you doesn't mean they're always like that. I also stole my username during the time the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower" got to my 12 year old hands. I saw people online talk about that book so much. When my friend let me borrow her brother's copy, it felt life changing to read at the time as an edgy middle schooler, but now I frankly can't remember much from that book other than a scene involving a hOT DOG. ANYWAYS-
For "Cherry" I like that it sounds cute, but also, dare I say, even sexy?! It can be a little badass depending on the font chosen as well.
But what exactly do I call myself besides just "Cherry Wallflower?" Am I trying to be an influencer? I'm a YouTuber, yeah, but what genre of content do I fall under? What's my style?
Throughout the years that's changed so much. Initially, I wanted to be a troll channel. Example: Weeaboo make up tutorial. I wanted to make videos of myself acting weird in hopes that people would be so confused they couldn't tell I was joking. But for the ones who did understand the joke, they could feel like they got braging rights for being "in" on it. A master troll was my goal, but it didn't last too long. I wanted to also show my life: talking about what's on my mind and vlogging myself going to anime conventions. I liked watching people who made videos like they were reading their diary and I enjoyed seeing people show the places they went to.
So I did just that, I moved over from trying to be a master troll to being a vlogger. I was really hoping someone would find my personality interesting online and then give me an opportunity that could lead me to being an actress or entertainer of the sorts LOL. Or, I could amass a following that may be interested in future novels I put out or show up to support me for contests I might enter in the future.
My vlogging wasn't super consistent but I did try to at least showcase every anime convention I went to. I think my vlogging got better over time: recording longer footage, talking more comfortably to the camera, and being more ready when spontaneously entertaining stuff happened with friends. Going to anime conventions was really my identity for almost ten years. It felt like they had it all: music events, places to make friends, and alternative fashion enthusists. It had all of the things that I had wished I had growing up: a community of "weird" people. It especially felt nice to know others liked the same J-pop and K-pop music as me. Although those people were few and far between at the time in the early 2010s at cons in Florida, I at least felt like I had a space to finally try being a performer or even a bit of an "idol."
When I was in high school, I wanted to be an idol so bad, but it felt impossible. I didn't think I'd ever be skinny or pretty enough. Where could I audition? I guess online, but it always seemed like in-person auditions guaranteed more success. SM and JYP were NOT scouting for people in Florida either LOL. I gave up on that, sort of, but anime conventions helped rejuvenate me.
The problem is that as that aspect of creativity got more important to me, I realized I started to outgrow anime conventions. I was never much of a cosplayer. After a few years, you've kind of seen it all. I don't follow much new anime or play any video games. Sure, they're a fun time, but my satisfaction always came when I found other people who liked J-pop and K-pop, dancing, and eventually, singing.
So Cherry Wallflower went from just being an anime convention attendee vlogger to being somewhat of an idol behind the scenes action vlogger at conventions. I think that's when a bit of my viewership died lol. People subscribed for trolling, then they subbed for my japan vlogs, then they subbed for my local anime convention vlogs and now... this girl is trying to be a singer? Oh and NOW she lives in korea? where did that come from?!
I actually forgot about this blog for a bit. I was looking at someone else's blog and it reminded me that I have my own blog. I wish I had been more consistent with this. There are super detailed posts I never finished where I talk about some experiences I had performing at conventions. I treated those posts like a novel to the point where I paused and never finished them. I've been vlogging almost everything, yes, but being able to express myself through writing feels totally different. Seeing my posts from my college days to after college are... almost a stark difference, omg. But I like it like that, because just like my YouTube channel, my blog shows my evolution.
I can't quite pinpoint what the purpose of this blog post is since I have just been typing whatever comes to mind first LOL. But I guess overall, as the years have passed, I feel like I've honed in more on what Cherry Wallflower is supposed to be, but I'm still figuring it out. I can't categorize myself into one genre or one category as much as social media algothimns want me to. I may never be truly "successful" or as "famous" as a I wish I could be because I just can't fit myself into a box. I've never been able to fit into a box growing up as a kid, to my teen years, to even my adult years. I'm just me and I suppose the genre, the concept, and the label is nothing but just "Cherry Wallflower."
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